Not Changing Together...
The gut feeling you get when your partner decides to make a lifestyle change.
Ugh...what now? We have gone through all the trendy food fads, so what is it this time?
Last June, our family embarked on a cross country road trip with our three kids and our puppy in our Honda Pilot. This drive landed us on the coast of California and back again on the tractor trailer-laden highways home to Pennsylvania.
After our five and half weeks on the road staying with family, friends, swanky hotels and cheap motels, we were ready to be home.
That’s when it hit. The “no conversation, shit’s about to change and here we go”. But, wait, where was I in this conversation, and what does this mean for me? I have held onto the words in this blog for almost a year now and I can clearly reflect on the day when my partner said, "I’m doing a 75 day challenge."
Insert my big gulp here…but , ”Wait a minute, wait a minute, please Mr. Postman” the song rang in my head.
We built a brand and a business on the model that you are 95% more likely to attain your goals when done with your partner.
Kris and I have quit smoking together
Kris and I have lost 25 lbs and become lifetime weight watcher members together
Kris and I have reduced red meat together
Kris and I cut out red meat together
Kris and I cut out fast food together
Kris and I have added in physical activity together
Kris and I have run a marathon together
Kris and I have had three kids together
Kris and I have suffered loss together
Kris and I...okay, you get the gist
We make long-term lifestyle changes together, sometimes on different sidewalks but the end goal is our awareness, education and action together. It is how KSquared Health Coaching began, after all.
Here is the story of the one time we didn’t do things together. Spoiler, Kris did reach and extend his 75 day challenge. He nailed it out of the park. He didn't need my motivation or support, he was 100% self driven to complete this challenge.
Let’s define the challenge. The 75 day challenge was as follows:
Pick any diet that you want to follow and stick with it, with zero alcohol and zero cheat meals
Workout twice a day, one workout needs to be outside
Drink a gallon of water a day
Read ten pages of an educational or self-improvement book a day
And, the last one really got me… taking daily progress pictures (I didn't find this out until like day 60 and I was shocked Kris participated in this part of the challenge and his progress photos looked amazing! But, I was still shocked that he took these photos daily)
So, what did my side look like?! Welp, self sabotage is the word to describe my behaviors during this one sided challenge.
I gained 12 lbs, replaced meat with pizza, adopted a new emotional eating obsession of mozzarella sticks (my daughter’s friends thought this was a crack-up, “her mom’s a health coach and she LOVES mozzarella sticks!” again, #nothingmakessense fits perfectly here.
I drank more because, well, I had a designated driver at all times. I stopped working out all together.
While Kris came back from our road trip with a need to restart and reclaim his daily habits, I did the complete opposite. It is only now that I can see, wow, I really threw in the towel on myself at the end of last year. The road trip gave me focus. I moved every day to be a role model for my kids. I even created an amazing daily checklist for our family to follow that included movement, water, deep thoughts, wants and needs. We used it for the first six hours and then never again! Once we landed back home, I was working on building a business and not walking the walk. I was putting myself on the bottom of the list.
My self sabotage ways are a thing of the past and I do not blame Kris for his amazing self motivation and determination. He rocked that 75 day challenge like a beast and I am always blown away by his keen insight and hard work.
This was a detour of goals together and the impact of one partner making an intense change in daily life and the other partner unconsciously “throwing in the towel”. Looking back, I wish I was included in the conversation that something intense was about to happen.
How did I turn things around? I communicated with Kris. I met with my health coach. I became aware of my self sabotaging behaviors. I met with my health coach. I put myself back on the top of my list. I met with my health coach. I accepted the past. I met with my therapist. I started moving again. I met with my health coach. I quit pizza and mozzarella sticks. I met with my health coach.
I try to be a good role model to my clients, by knowing that I am not perfect and I’m doing the best I can right now, even if that means I slip up and eat a piece of pizza on a Saturday night out with friends. And, then I will meet with my health coach.
Now, I want to be your health coach.